Mammogram

The marvellous mammogram, I had one today

Here’s my assessment, which way will YOU sway?

It squashes a boob, this way and that

To stop The Big C from having a crack

I’d heard that it’s painful and awful and crude

That your nipple is pinched, you’re stark bollucky nude

No wait – that is breastfeeding, for the very first time

A mammogram’s joyful, compared to that crime

So my chest bits were mashed, in all funny shapes

And you are a bit nude, so don’t stack up on cakes

I think that it helped, when squeezed by these traps

To have a history of babies who’d drained the ole baps

They were flat as pancetta, malleable as dough

For once there’s a positive, to boobs that hang low

Hurt? Not a bit – not a bit nor a bob

And certainly not like a mastectomy op

So come on my ladies, trip off to BreastScreen

And have you a mammogram, to keep your boobs clean.