The marvellous mammogram, I had one today
Here’s my assessment, which way will YOU sway?
It squashes a boob, this way and that
To stop The Big C from having a crack
I’d heard that it’s painful and awful and crude
That your nipple is pinched, you’re stark bollucky nude
No wait – that is breastfeeding, for the very first time
A mammogram’s joyful, compared to that crime
So my chest bits were mashed, in all funny shapes
And you are a bit nude, so don’t stack up on cakes
I think that it helped, when squeezed by these traps
To have a history of babies who’d drained the ole baps
They were flat as pancetta, malleable as dough
For once there’s a positive, to boobs that hang low
Hurt? Not a bit – not a bit nor a bob
And certainly not like a mastectomy op
So come on my ladies, trip off to BreastScreen
And have you a mammogram, to keep your boobs clean.
